So the story continues…
He sent me a message asking me when I will be coming back to PH. And the teasing started. Endless jokes and funny moments here and there until a revelation came out of the exchange of messages. He told me, “we have long been distant. The last time we were together was at RJ’s (one of my boys-now-men that night) apartment when I left you sound asleep.”
And I responded, “you still remember huh?”
“Of course, you are special to me,” he answered.
“And you left without a word.”
“I don’t wanna wake you up.”
Conversation continued, he finally told me that he was wishing he had done differently before. He revealed that I was his crush the moment we met and was so shy to talk to me because he thought I was some kind of a mean girl and he just realized I was so cool. He thought that I was stonehearted and indifferent way back then and he regrets that he did not grab the chance to know me better. That night of November 27, 2012, he said he was wishing he was not in a relationship. He was wishing it was me. He was wishing that he had the strength to make a move and court me instead. And he was regretting so much that it was always wrong timing and he was overcame with fear thinking he wouldn’t stand a chance at me because of the way he saw me.
I guess it was indeed a moment of telling each other’s secrets. So I admitted that he was my crush, too. The more he regretted those chances he didn’t take. “That night, I expected something. I expected we had something unspoken between us. But when I woke up, ready to tell you, you were gone.” And he wished he could turn back time. He said he was immature that time. He said he wasn’t ready for a long distance relationship. He said he feared that he was feeling that longing alone. That I don’t feel the same way. That he said we could have been together if I gave out a hint. But I was a stone and kept my feelings for myself. We had the same fear.
We could have been something different if we both had the courage. Unluckily, we ended up this way, far from each other, feelings unknown for a long time until now, and there’s no way to talk about it, about us, personally until I come back home.
He longed to have me in his arms. He wanted me back then and still wants me now.
And I’m coming home. End of December. We will finally see each other again after three long years. I don’t know what will happen. I am not sure if there will be a next chapter to our story. But one thing is for sure, I will make the most out of everything on that day. I am looking forward to enjoy every single second with him soon. No more regrets. No more stepbacks. No more doubts.
“I want to tell you something,” he said.
“Before I went home, I knew we would not see each other for a very long time. And I don’t want to leave just like that. So while you were sleeping… I stole something from you.”