Okay, this is about me and my heart again. My blog’s a diary. 😂 And this was history… History being brought up to the present.

I can’t remember if it was 2010 when I first met him but surely it was during my college days. He bacame a part of our gang. I was one-of-the-boys back then and so when I met him, he has already started making friends with the group and he was just introduced to us by the eldest, kuya (meaning elder brother) Mak.

I had a crush on him. I was so shy and afraid he would notice so I never actually talked to him. We have group conversations, sessions, bondings but I never talked to him directly like, “hey wassup?” “how are you?” “whad’ya do today?” A mere hi and hello is good enough and the group teasing, joking and laughing would just continue on. He never talked to me directly too. So there was this awkwardness when we were sometimes left alone. But still, the friendship grew and then we finally managed the uneasiness between us and finally got over it.

After a few years, I went back home to the province, for a very short vacation, from working in the city and I decided to meet up with some of “my boys” (we are a group of 7 boys and 3 girls). The girls are complete and I met three of the “now men” including him. I never thought that that one simple night would somehow matter. I thought it would just be an ordinary night…

He was bragging about his girlfriend, who looked like one Filipina celebrity named Julia Montes, to me. He would come to me and tell me things about her. He even asked me to sit beside him so he could talk about her. “She has cute dimples like yours, but yours is deeper, she is a bit chubby-faced like you but more like Julia Montes.” How on earth would she has qualities like me but she looked like a celebrity when I am not?! (Okay, I actually look like Sitti Navarro they say but oh, God! Never a bit like Julia!)

Then he would look at me like I was somebody else, with matching tantalizing eyes because we had a few drinks. He kept on talking about her until I closed my eyes and dozed off. Then I felt him fixing me on the bed and he lay down beside me, I didn’t dare question him because I was too sleepy to react. I was fast asleep when I felt him tugging my hand. I pulled it back. A few minutes, I guess, he tugged my hand a bit. I didn’t move but slowly I am waking up. He tugged my hand more, and that’s when I opened my eyes. “Will you please behave? You are too restless, I can’t get my sleep back.”

“It’s your fault,” he said.

“And why me?” I snapped.

“You don’t want to give out your hand. I’ve been tugging and tugging. Will you just put this here so I can finally sleep, too?” Then he tugged my arm for the last time, I was then hugging him. “Good, I want it that way, now sleep.” And he held my arm secure around him.

I looked up at him confused and frowning. Why would he do that?

Using his other hand, he gently pulled my head to his shoulder. “Sleep.”

And I did.

The next morning, he’s gone… without a word. I asked one my friends where the hell he was and one of them answered, “He went home early, maybe around 3 am. He just told us to tell you when you wake up because you’re such a sleepyhead.”

“Still, why? Can’t he just go home at 5 or 6am?” That’s unfair. I can’t understand back then.

“He was grounded. He just escaped from home to be with us and his parents must not know he came out. Why? You miss him already?”

At that, I never spoke. But I was disappointed. I was sad. I was a bit mad.

That was the last time we were together. That was Nov. 27, 2012. I won’t ever forget. And I never thought that I would go back to that time… and I am not alone reminiscing. WE both brought the memory back to life…


– K