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Senseless Thoughts

Drift into my paradise.

Month

December 2015

Korean Beef Ramen

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Been so busy for weeks because of my upcoming flight so I wasn’t able to think right and post something worthy. As I and my friends were too busy roaming inside the mall, we got hungry big time so we ended up going into a food court here in Singapore called Kopitiam.

This bowl of Korean Beef Ramen is only S$4.90 with anchovis, calamansi, and kimchi good for two people (since I was too hungry, I finished that big bowl 😪 Burp!).

Another good, quality food got my tummy satisfied. 👍

Obscure

The wind blew her hair
Her dress dancing with it.
Her fingers interlocked
Laid on her lap.

She looked at the sky,
It was bright and blue.
She smiled.
She remembered.

Slowly she lay down
Stretched her feet
On the grass they rested
Her back comforted.

She closed her eyes
Smiling, reminscing
Thinking about good things
Planning the days.

Her mind’s enjoying
Her heart’s thumping
Loving the feeling
Thinking about him.

Then a raindrop came
And landed on her face
She opened her eyes
And saw dark clouds upon her.

The rain fell hard,
Angrily at her
While she lies on the grass
Tears streamed down.

No more, she wept
Too much she expected.
Embracing herself
She stayed there wet.

Don’t stop, she asked
Just fall down.
Let her drown.
Soon she’ll wake up.

– K

NTUC Health Year-End Party

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Dec 15, 2015, our company held a year-end party for us. And it’s the season to celebrate together so, of course, I attended even though I have work that day… I came late. We were actually asked to register for some intermission number but since I was busy the week before, I opted to just stay silent on my seat. Oh, the freebies for those who performed… *cry*

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Some snapshots with my closest friends and batchmates.

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It was a fun night with some games. Though our time was only limited to three hours, it was still worth it. Another happy day for a simple employee like me. 😂

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👍

Me, myself and I.

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– K

Break My Heart Some More

I’m looking back at the things we used to do
And I miss you
I miss the way we used to be
I’ve been looking back all the time
You used to love me
More and more each day
Now the only thing I pray is
For you to come back to where you were

I’m about to let go
I’m so tired, so tired of holding on
What am I supposed to do
If you’re breaking my heart in two.

Break my heart some more
So I could cry for one last time
Won’t you break my heart some more?
And everything will be just fine
If the other side says I should leave
And the other side tells I should stay
I wish it so hard to finally let you go
Ooh. ooh
Break my heart some more
So I could finally say goodbye to you
Ladadadada… oooh.

I’m looking back at the love that we once knew
And I miss you
You promised I’m the only one
But I’m just not enough for you
You say you’ll change
I’m hoping things will be okay
The pain’s not going away
Still a part of me wants you to stay.

I’m about to let go
I’m so tired, so tired of holding on
What am I supposed to do
If you’re breaking my heart in two
Ooh.

Break my heart some more
So I could cry for one last time
Won’t you break my heart some more?
And everything will be just fine
If the other side says I should leave
And the other side says I should stay
But it’s just so hard to finally let you go
Break my heart some more
So I could finally say goodbye
To you

Break my heart some more
So I could cry for one last time
Won’t you break my heart some more?
And everything will be just fine
If the other side says I should leave
And the other side says I should stay
Oh it’s just so hard to finally let you go
Ooh. ooh
Break my heart some more
So I could finally say goodbye
To you
Ooh. ooh
Break my heart

By: Jason James Dy

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I simply love his songs. This one is beautiful. Exactly the song for me some months ago. And I finally said goodbye. 👍

– K

Revelations and Longings Part 2

So the story continues…

He sent me a message asking me when I will be coming back to PH. And the teasing started. Endless jokes and funny moments here and there until a revelation came out of the exchange of messages. He told me, “we have long been distant. The last time we were together was at RJ’s (one of my boys-now-men that night) apartment when I left you sound asleep.”

And I responded, “you still remember huh?”

“Of course, you are special to me,” he answered.

“And you left without a word.”

“I don’t wanna wake you up.”

Conversation continued, he finally told me that he was wishing he had done  differently before. He revealed that I was his crush the moment we met and was so shy to talk to me because he thought I was some kind of a mean girl and he just realized I was so cool. He thought that I was stonehearted and indifferent way back then and he regrets that he did not grab the chance to know me better. That night of November 27, 2012, he said he was wishing he was not in a relationship. He was wishing it was me. He was wishing that he had the strength to make a move and court me instead. And he was regretting so much that it was always wrong timing and he was overcame with fear thinking he wouldn’t stand a chance at me because of the way he saw me.

I guess it was indeed a moment of telling each other’s secrets. So I admitted that he was my crush, too. The more he regretted those chances he didn’t take. “That night, I expected something. I expected we had something unspoken between us. But when I woke up, ready to tell you, you were gone.” And he wished he could turn back time. He said he was immature that time. He said he wasn’t ready for a long distance relationship. He said he feared that he was feeling that longing alone. That I don’t feel the same way. That he said we could have been together if I gave out a hint. But I was a stone and kept my feelings for myself. We had the same fear.

We could have been something different if we both had the courage. Unluckily, we ended up this way, far from each other, feelings unknown for a long time until now, and there’s no way to talk about it, about us, personally until I come back home.

He longed to have me in his arms. He wanted me back then and still wants me now.

And I’m coming home. End of December. We will finally see each other again after three long years. I don’t know what will happen. I am not sure if there will be a next chapter to our story. But one thing is for sure, I will make the most out of everything on that day. I am looking forward to enjoy every single second with him soon. No more regrets. No more stepbacks. No more doubts.

“I want to tell you something,” he said.

“What?”

“Before I went home, I knew we would not see each other for a very long time. And I don’t want to leave just like that. So while you were sleeping… I stole something from you.”

“What’s that?”

“A kiss.”

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– K

Revelations and Longings Part 1

Okay, this is about me and my heart again. My blog’s a diary. 😂 And this was history… History being brought up to the present.

I can’t remember if it was 2010 when I first met him but surely it was during my college days. He bacame a part of our gang. I was one-of-the-boys back then and so when I met him, he has already started making friends with the group and he was just introduced to us by the eldest, kuya (meaning elder brother) Mak.

I had a crush on him. I was so shy and afraid he would notice so I never actually talked to him. We have group conversations, sessions, bondings but I never talked to him directly like, “hey wassup?” “how are you?” “whad’ya do today?” A mere hi and hello is good enough and the group teasing, joking and laughing would just continue on. He never talked to me directly too. So there was this awkwardness when we were sometimes left alone. But still, the friendship grew and then we finally managed the uneasiness between us and finally got over it.

After a few years, I went back home to the province, for a very short vacation, from working in the city and I decided to meet up with some of “my boys” (we are a group of 7 boys and 3 girls). The girls are complete and I met three of the “now men” including him. I never thought that that one simple night would somehow matter. I thought it would just be an ordinary night…

He was bragging about his girlfriend, who looked like one Filipina celebrity named Julia Montes, to me. He would come to me and tell me things about her. He even asked me to sit beside him so he could talk about her. “She has cute dimples like yours, but yours is deeper, she is a bit chubby-faced like you but more like Julia Montes.” How on earth would she has qualities like me but she looked like a celebrity when I am not?! (Okay, I actually look like Sitti Navarro they say but oh, God! Never a bit like Julia!)

Then he would look at me like I was somebody else, with matching tantalizing eyes because we had a few drinks. He kept on talking about her until I closed my eyes and dozed off. Then I felt him fixing me on the bed and he lay down beside me, I didn’t dare question him because I was too sleepy to react. I was fast asleep when I felt him tugging my hand. I pulled it back. A few minutes, I guess, he tugged my hand a bit. I didn’t move but slowly I am waking up. He tugged my hand more, and that’s when I opened my eyes. “Will you please behave? You are too restless, I can’t get my sleep back.”

“It’s your fault,” he said.

“And why me?” I snapped.

“You don’t want to give out your hand. I’ve been tugging and tugging. Will you just put this here so I can finally sleep, too?” Then he tugged my arm for the last time, I was then hugging him. “Good, I want it that way, now sleep.” And he held my arm secure around him.

I looked up at him confused and frowning. Why would he do that?

Using his other hand, he gently pulled my head to his shoulder. “Sleep.”

And I did.

The next morning, he’s gone… without a word. I asked one my friends where the hell he was and one of them answered, “He went home early, maybe around 3 am. He just told us to tell you when you wake up because you’re such a sleepyhead.”

“Still, why? Can’t he just go home at 5 or 6am?” That’s unfair. I can’t understand back then.

“He was grounded. He just escaped from home to be with us and his parents must not know he came out. Why? You miss him already?”

At that, I never spoke. But I was disappointed. I was sad. I was a bit mad.

That was the last time we were together. That was Nov. 27, 2012. I won’t ever forget. And I never thought that I would go back to that time… and I am not alone reminiscing. WE both brought the memory back to life…

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– K

You Make Me Feel

You make me feel
A little bit of hope
Because you’ve said words
I longed to hear.

You make me feel
A little bit of confusion
Because I don’t know
If we’re going anywhere

You make me feel
A little bit of fear
That you might not
Be serious enough

When you asked me to wait
When you promised to come.

You make me feel
A little bit hesitant
Because this might
Not turn out well.

You make me feel
A little bit of mistrust
Because I have been
Hurt several times.

You make me feel
A little bit unsure
Is it just one of your
Bunch of jokes?

We’ve been friends for so long.
You might just be feeling wrong.

But despite all emotions
Overwhelming me now,
There is one thing I’m sure
About you and I.

You make me feel
So much happiness
Because the feeling
We had was mutual.

You make me feel
More and more alive
Because those years ago
We almost had our time.

You make me feel
Lighter than yesterday.
All worries before now gone
And we could’ve been.

But I know our time is yet to come.
You’ve to pay back for the kiss you’ve stolen.

– K

The Rain has Stopped

Buried in my blanket for several days,
Too lazy to get out of bed,
My mind go places I am familiar with
Wondering, remembering what to do next.

Sat up and stared at the window and out
That night, it was raining hard.
Checked my bedside clock, its 01:45,
Hugged my knees and watch the raindrops.

With eyes closed I remember everything,
The happy coversations I am missing.
The walks, the movies, our favorites
The sweet kisses from forehead to lips.

I control the deepest urge I feel
To pick my phone and send you something
That would remind you how it used to be
That now it was never the same you and me.

I remember how the pain felt like.
Stabbing the bleeding pieces of my heart.
I remember all of the anger, the hate,
The repetition of breaking my trust.

I opened the window and feel the breeze
Of the coldness of the night and the water
Bits splashing on my face and skin
I remembered how it was like that pain.

I sighed, there is no point reminiscing
When I am the only one left feeling
You’ve got a life now and I got mine too.
And I know I have moved on from you.

Yes I have and all I need is consistency
To accept the fate and live with it
That I must do it over and over again
Until the day I forget every little thing.

One day I will laugh at all my silliness
That I have put much effort for someone worthless
Of my time, of my heart, of every bit of me
That I deserve to be loved and be cared and be free.

I didn’t realize I fell into a deep sleep
Beside the open window, a bird came and chirped
I opened my eyes and was hurt by the light
The sun shines on me, so big and so bright.

The rain has stopped, the air still cold
The smell of the dew and the flowers bloom
I smiled and thought I buried the memories
While I was asleep, I erased the feelings.

The rain has stopped and so do I
I stopped embracing the littlest pain last night
And spread my arms as wide as I could
Come to me, oh love! I’m ready for you.

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– K

Ramen Anytime, Anywhere

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Starving after a long day out shopping and window shopping, we decided to eat at a hawker center near our place so we could finally stop our stomachs from grumbling and making noises all over.

With everything unfamiliar, I stood at a ramen stall looking up the menu wishing I could taste them all just by staring at them so I could choose what I like most. And loving spicy foods, I end up buying Hot and Spicy Beef Ramen.

How was it? It was great! It was delicious! Not because I was hungry but it really was very tasty, the beef is so soft, the noodle was cooked just right, and the soup was so aromatic. A heavenly taste of Japanese food again. 😁

Two thumbs up for the ramen stall in an ordinary hawker center!

The amount I paid? Just S$ 4.50. A very good quality food at a very cheap price. No need to go to a fancy restaurant to experience a ramen so nice, just stop by a hawker center and your tummy’s gonna be too satisfied! 👍

– K

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