Moving on, many of us believe, is easy to say but so difficult to do. Right. How are you going to stand back up after a very hard fall when it feels like you’ve broken all your bones and can’t handle the pain that seeps deep within your soul? They say not to give your all but you did because you love the person. And when that person left you hanging, you were left with nothing. How are you going to start again if you are empty-handed that you don’t even know how to collect back your broken pieces and where the hell will you start repairing the damage?

Your friends are there to comfort, your family is your support, some bar you can hang out to, some alcohol you can drown into for a while, your bed where you can cry, some nearby park where you can be alone, your passport if you feel like escaping… what else do you have? Is that all? Initially, yes. That’s all you believe you have. And it is damn hard. So how are you going to come back to life again? You don’t know. But, if there are certain things I learned about heartbreak and moving on, I’ll be glad to share them out to you so at least you can take some steps ahead after you’ve almost become insane. We all have different coping mechanisms, I know, but the following things apply to everyone. I tried to make it as general as possible.

1. Moving on is a conscious effort.
Moving on requires a focused mind aiming directly into one goal: to accept things you can never change. If today you want to forgive, the next day you are angry again and you’re going on and on to that cycle forever, then you’ll go nowhere. You have to keep your mind looking at one direction, every minute, every hour, everytime you remember how painful it was, every moment you think about how the past has made you happy, STOP, and get your mind into order. You need a helluva effort to  be able do it. It is not a one-time-big-time moving on thingy, you can not do it in a day. It’s a process. And you have to constantly remind yourself of where you are going. Jot down notes, write journals, alarm reminders, do everything you can to keep your mind focused.

2. You’ll live. You will never die.
Not unless you get successful with suicide which is a sin, I am not recommending that, and I definitely know that not all of you would attempt to kill yourself just because of some idiot out there. It feels like you’re gonna die without the person, yes. It feels like there is no more tomorrow waiting, yes. I certainly have felt that too. But, where am I now? I am here. Helping you up. I never died. Inside? No. The pain feels like it is stabbing your heart the more you remember how painful it had been for you, and the most when you think about how happy you’ve been together. But you will never die inside. There is a process to it and time will soon consume the feeling and you’re back up again. When you feel you are on the verge of breaking down again, do Number 1. Get your thoughts in order.

3. Forgiveness is the key.
Revenge. Who among you has never thought about that? The I-will-make-you-pay-for-what-you-did thing? Most of us at least have planned to make that person regret what he or she has done, right? But, vengeance is not the answer to all your aches. You may be happy seeing that person in hell for ruining your life but at the end of the day, your conscience won’t make you sleep. Are you at peace? No. So again, forgiving is not easy. What do you have to do? Convince yourself everyday that you deserve better, that you were not meant to be together, and that that person has been with you to be a lesson or for you to learn something. Forgivessness gives your heart peace. You can actually pray so you can conquer the anger taking over you, and start opening your heart and mind to accept the things that had happened. You need not tell the person you forgave him or her. You’ll simply feel it. You have forgiven when you have met peace.

4. The hardest falls are the best lessons.
You will learn to recognize your own faults why the heartbreak happened. You will sometimes blame yourself for things that made the relationship worse. What’s done is done. And you were only left with a big piece of lesson you’ve never learned before. You may not know what exactly that lesson is, but you will see how much you’ve changed. I hope that you’ve changed to become better, not worse than ever. You will be initially in the state of denial, you won’t believe something is even positive about a heartbreak but I tell you this: The harder the fall, the higher tendency for you to wake up from the wrong things you’ve done, and you’ll never commit the same mistakes again. If you haven’t changed a bit, then you haven’t experienced the worst yet.

5. When the wrong person leaves you, everything will fall perfectly into its rightful place.
Most of the time, the relationship that is about to end means more pain than happiness. Again they say, if you are not happy anymore, leave. So what if that person left you? Does that mean, he or she is not happy with you? Probably yes. And it is actually better for them to take their leave. Because there is a possibility that both of you are feeling the same thing but is afraid to stand up and walk away. So when you are the one left behind, try to think properly, gather your thoughts and look at the side of what good it will bring you without that person. Sooner or later, you will wake up happier, without thinking about another fight, another misunderstanding. And you will finally sleep soundly for there is no one who would bombard you with uneasiness and pain. You will now focus on yourself and love yourself more. You will see opportunities which you have ignored before. So many things will happen and you will appreciate every little detail of good things. Yes, believe it is soon enough.

Experience is the best teacher, do you hear that? Always. And you will never believe what I say unless you’ve gone through those tough times. These things above are not ways to move on, they are simple words of advice, or could be wisdom, for you to be able to start your own path to moving on. You’ll definitely live happier after a heartbreak as long as you perfectly know where you are headed to. It takes a lot of optimism, courage, acceptance, and effort to get through the storm. There is a rainbow after the rain. Don’t forget that. Now, take that step forward, little by little, you’ll get far. Moving on takes time. But don’t take too much of your time or else time taken for granted is time wasted.

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– K

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