What is it like to live your whole life with a Dad who was the first person to ever break your heart? That should’ve been the title, but no, it’s too long.
No one among us would like to be cheated on, to feel like you’re just a second best, or to feel unworthy at all. No child deserves to be hurt by their own parents, or let’s get specific, by their own fathers. At one point, you try to understand that there are circumstances that lead to such decision of deception. But how mature do you have be to just eat up all the pain you felt and let go and… forgive?
What most people, who have lived with a whole and happy family, don’t know is the silent struggle of children, or adolescents who grew up not having their fathers by their side, not because they died early, but because they left their original family to build a different one with some other woman… in which, it seems like it’s almost the same as if they died… Additional notes to it, it could have been better if they actually died. And to be more specific, these dads are those who left their children totally.
So what is it really like? How does it feel? What happens inside?
1. TRUST ISSUES. Adolescents will definitely have trust issues with relationships. They become paranoid that they are cheated upon or worse, they follow the footsteps of their father, they are the one cheating because of the fear that they’ll be left and end up getting hurt again. With peers, they feel like they are being betrayed all the time. Some children even become loner because they have the tendency to think that everyone would leave them hanging.
2. IN SEARCH FOR A FATHER FIGURE. Getting jealous of friends with their fathers, that’s one. Others would try to be as close to their friend’s father so as to satisfy their need of one. Adolescents, especially girls, would find themselves with a more matured guy with a heck of an age gap, or constantly looking for a boyfriend who would “baby” them and protect them. Sometimes, it would even lead to a frequent change of boyfriends or flings because of that longing.
3. THEY END UP LOOKING STRONG. Since they grew up with no one to protect them from bullies and all the people who would hurt them, they tend to look strong. They tend to fear no one, that they can manage themselves, that they are independent, that they are fierce, that no one can hurt them, and that they can protect themselves. Girls who have a dominant and strong personality are having difficulties with their fathers. Girls like this are such because they have to be, they were forced to be.
4. BUT HONESTLY, THEY ARE WEAK INSIDE. They are tortured emotionally by the fear of being hurt, the responsibility to protect themselves alone and that no one would understand what they are going through, the longing for someone who will see through their eyes the need of an embrace, the search for someone who will secure them so they finally won’t have to do it themselves, and the loss of a person playing a very important role in their lives. They need someone who will fill up the emptiness left by the first heartbreak. But only a few people would see that because they look so strong they can conquer everything, right?
5. THE MOTHER PLAYS TWO ROLES BUT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH. Mothers are superwomen. They are the best. But superheroes have Achilles’ heel, too. Though they can try to play the father role, the security, the support, emotionally, it would never be enough. Mothers are the light, and they can be the pillar thing, but the feeling of having a dad who carries you around, a dad who can be both your king and knight in shining armor at once, a dad who will investigate a guy courting you, a dad who will kick the bullies’ asses, a dad who will walk you to the altar, a dad who can give you away to a man he knows will be worthy for you and deserves you… a mother can never fill in that gap, that emptiness. Even if she tried all her life, a mother would be enough of a parent, but would never be enough to complete what’s missing in you.
Everyone would want a complete family. People, whether you are a member of the-broken-family-society or soon to be one, remember how it was like and try not to make the same mistake your father did. And if one of these days, you become a parent, always, always think about your children. Because what happens to them in the future will be a reflection of how you raised them. So think, before you get lost into temptation’s kiss, please, use the thing between your ears.