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Senseless Thoughts

Drift into my paradise.

Month

September 2015

A Letter to You, Beautiful Girl

Whether you believe you are or not, please continue to read my letter for you.

Dear Beautiful,

How was your day? Did you wake up this morning and smile at the mirror for you see a reflection of how perfect you are? Did you remember to greet yourself a good morning and tell yourself you are lovely today? Yes, you are. You must do that every morning. It should be your mantra, you know, because that will give you a boost to carry on and will motivate you to stay happy for the rest of the day.

I’ve seen you been down so many times, I’ve seen you isolate yourself from the world and choose to be alone rather than socialize with people. I know your struggles to try to “fit in”. I understand how difficult it is for you to deal with mean people who are too negative about everything, about you. I know the feeling of being too conscious about how you look and how other sees you. I definitely know what you’re thinking, that you are less than them, that they are more blessed than you are, that they are perfect and you are not, that you are hoping and wishing you could be like them and live a life like them.

You can go ahead and ask me why I called you beautiful. My answer would be… I called you that because YOU ARE.

How you see yourself is what reflects your every action, your every word, your every movement and the way you carry yourself. Beauty is not depending on your physical appearance but is in your mindset and in your heart. Beauty flows in your blood, you just don’t know how to use it. If you look in the mirror, what do you see? All the physical flaws? Then, you see too much negativity. You don’t look straight into your eyes and see more of what’s inside you that’s why your mind’s energy becomes directed to all the “undesirables” and you fail to recognize the good things in you.

Dear beautiful, the moment you accept yourself is the moment you’ll feel FREE. Love yourself and your flaws first before others can love you. How will people love someone who doesn’t even know how to truly love and who only sees the bad side of everything? Let acceptance bloom in your heart and help yourself from being caged in the blackness of pessimism. Your imperfections complete you, without them, you are not you. So open up, wake up, see the goodness of your heart and be enlightened.

You are the only one who will give your own definition of beauty.

Do not ever live your life believing each and every unfavorable criticisms. Not everything they say is true about you.

Don’t live a life how others want you to. Live your own. Don’t let others define you.

Negative comments should make you stronger and better. Smart people listen and understand, stupid ones fight back.

Not all rude people are bad. They are also fighting their own battle inside and they don’t know how to get out of it. Be open-minded.

Insecure people are unhappy people. Don’t be one of them.

Stay positive all the time no matter how gloomy the world is.

Lastly, smile, that is your greatest weapon. When you hear or see something you don’t like from someone, smile. Kill them with your happiness. Be happy about everything.

When the time comes you’ve set yourself free from insecurity, help someone get out of her cage. So, Beautiful, it’s time to get out and see the light that’s been waiting for you. If there is one song I would dedicate for you, it would be STAY THE SAME by Joey Mcintyre because this song summarizes what I’m trying to tell you.

Don’t you ever wish you were someone else,
You were meant to be the way you are exactly
Don’t you ever say you don’t like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself, you’re better off by far
And I hope you’ll always stay the same
‘Cause there’s nothing ’bout you I would change.

Love,
Your Inner Self

– K

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Girls, when to raise your White Flags

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Women are strong and independent nowadays. We can stand on our own, face every single challenge that life throws upon us, and show everyone what we got. Do you believe that? Of course. Beyonce just got the right lyrics for us, “who run the world?” (My mind shouted GIRLS!)

Though we trip, we fall, we get wounded for so many times, we stand taller each time because we are all born damn gorgeous and powerful. But I say we are women, we are still girls… who have the softest and most sensitive hearts no matter how tough we look on the outside.

And when it comes to LOVE, which is obviously our weakness, all our defenses seem to break just to let someone take hold of our heart and everything. We give our best, our all, ourselves to the person we love. But not all realtionships are successful. Some people, some guys just exist in our lives for a period of time to complete their role which only someone-up-there knows. And when their time with us is up, they leave whether you like it or not, whether you fight for it or not. So how do we know when to surrender and raise our white flags? Here are some instances:

1. When you did your best but your best wasn’t good enough.
Yeah right, you gave everything, you introduced him to your family, you fought for your love, you overcame consequences, you took down all challenges for him, you gave 100% of your effort, love and time, and then what? He still left you. You cried a thousand buckets of tears, you begged, you knelt in front of him (hey, that’s too much), and he ignored you. Time to wake up girl! You need a hard slap on your face.

2. When you are cheated on.
This is the worst. EVER. If he was able to cheat on you for another girl, never, ever, EVER!! Let him break your heart again. They say a cheater will always be a cheater, heard of that? Now what? You say second chances? Well, it depends on you now. If you think he’ll change, okay I won’t stop you but if he repeats the same mistake again, which I believe he would, I’ll raise your white flag for you and kick his ass.

3. When your mother tells you not to go for it.
Mothers know best. Some are naggy they would tell you face-to-face she don’t like him for reasons you can’t understand, and some are quiet, they will talk to you in private, tell them what they feel about your guy, but since you love him, you will insist and get mad at her which ends the conversation with her letting you do what you want. Mothers instincts are the best, I tell you. Surrender when she says it, because as early as now, she has already seen your future with him.

4. When he started hurting you physically.
Don’t be a martyr! When out of anger he pulled your arm so hard you got bruised or slap you… c’mon! Where’s your white flag?! Stop your stupidity. If he can hurt you once, there is a very high tendency of repetition, it could even be more than a just a small black eye. Before he even attempts to give you a hard hand, give him a realization that you are no idiot and leave.

5. Once you realized you are the only one working it all out.
We, girls, give out all our energies in making our relationships work. Guys do the same… in the beginning (I don’t intend to generalize though). But some just really starts to get lazy and pass on the role to us girls, which we willingly accept. So we, who were once the princesses and bosses, suddenly became the peasants and employees, who do things for them. If one day you get tired and all of your hardworks come unnoticed and unreciprocated, it’s time to give up.

No more what ifs, no more buts, just GIVE UP. You deserve more than what you have right now. You are special and you are worthy of a man who will love you more than he loves himself. Don’t settle for less. When you know your worth, ladies, you know what you must get and what you must have. So wake up and don’t turn your back to the a**hole who never saw what a treasure you are. Love yourself first and know what you are entitled to.

– K

Energizing Drained Souls

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T’was a tiring day. Less sleep, more work, hassled by some situations, exhausted by circumstances, sucked out energy, inspirationlessness, and the highlight? I was awakened by a moment of truth.. A truth I never prepared for, I never expected to slap me hard, I haven’t foreseen… A truth I haven’t thought of and denied to believe.

So there, the moments in my life I am opening up to you have a bit of a history before I come to the exact point of my writing. 😀

Going back, a friend saw my facebook posts and got alerted by the way I delivered my words. She thought that I needed some “counseling” and called me to chill out. We googled some bars near her place and we end up walking down the streets to SAFRA country club in Toa Payoh, up to the third floor in the Superbowl bowling place. There, a bar came to sight. They have a balcony so we decided to just hang outside and enjoy the view of the swimming pool and gym. A very good place to relax… BEER ALLEY!

Their bar snacks are cheap and delicious. Their beer, too. Maybe next time we’ll try out their cuisine because we’ll surely come back to this place with our other friends. We had like two and a half hours there just chatting and reminiscing and laughing and bursting out emotions kept in the depths of my being.

A lovely night indeed. Tiring but the day ended so well. Still thankful for a friend who tapped my back when I least expect it. 🙂

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Simple Joys of a Simple Girl

I am an ordinary person, an ordinary girl. Yes, a girl. Still a girl at mid-20s. I have too big dreams I am aiming for (with some of them achieved) and at the same time I have this craving for simple and small things to continuously be happy in my everyday life.

As a regular employee.
Sleep is number one. More than 5 hours of sleep, or more like a whole day of sleep. So a week off a month is the best ever! And then I do a good deed for some stranger, as a happy person, I want to make someone happy too. Some perks or gifts from the company e.g. a simple birthday gift card, a pen, or an eco-bag, a box of supplements (yes, I am happy with that already), excluding company benefits of course. The kindness of a patient I am currently taking care of is an advantage and it makes me happier.

As a girl.
More on personal things actually. A new dress. A lipstick. Make-up. Nail polish. A new pair of shoes. Milk bath. Whitening soap. A good length of time in the shower. Hair treatments. A good meal in a good restaurant once in a while. Cheat days (when I am honestly not dieting, lol). A chocolate a day keeps my frown away. Window shopping. SALE. A good book. A movie date with friends. Travel around places. Wonderful songs, handsome figures, sunrise, sunset and the moon. Unending conversations with someone, and more… but most especially, some alone time.

As a friend.
You remembering me once in a while is good enough for me. I don’t need too much attention. Just remember me when you need me or when you just wanted someone to talk to, call me, send me a message and I’m happy with that.

As a child.
My mom is not like some other moms who would want to talk to their children everyday. My mom most of the time doesn’t give me too much attention, doesn’t even give me a call or send me a simple message. But I am not sad about that. She was like that for as long as I remember and I’m used to it. What makes me happy as a child then? Nothing. Just a long conversation with her once a month. That would make me happy until the next talk. Haha. Simple.

As a girlfriend.
I am boyfriendless but that is not a reason for me not to ask some simple things if I’ll have one again. My simple joys as a girlfriend don’t include material things because those I need to be happy are loyalty, effort, time, patience, love and faith. That’s all.

As a child of GOD.
God is the provider of my simple joys everyday. So there’s nothing else I could ask for because He’s been giving me too many blessings, non-stop. And I am so grateful and happy about that. 100%. Wait… Oh, I have one! My simple joy as a child of God is Him keeping my loved ones safe everyday. 🙂

Simple joys. There’s more I guess. I just need not specify them all.

Anyway, have a good day everyone! Stay happy and positive always. 🙂

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– K

Let’s Talk About Food

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I am not really a good critic of food and I only base the goodness or the badness of the food on my taste buds.

Anyway, I would just like to share to you some good food I had tonight. I went to our office to submit some paperworks, and I remembered to pay an old friend a visit, who happens to be the Manager of one of the branches of The Connoisseur Concerto cafe, somewhere along my way home.

Her face lit up upon seeing me and asked me to take a seat and at least have something before I leave… her treat. I so love FREE! So, I took a seat and indulged myself in their menu. And I chose their best sellers to try.

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Above is their Seafood Aglio Olio which happens to be overly spicy but is so good I don’t want to finish it! When it comes to pasta, I rarely try something different, I normally stick to what I usually order. And this one is now on top of my list.

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And here’s Chocolate of Wealth, a velvety, delicious frappe topped with chocolate chips. I love frappe, I love chocolate, so this one’s a package of my tummy favorites.

The spiciness of the pasta combined with the soothing sweetness of the drink… is PERFECT!

Thanks to my good ol’ friend for letting me try their yummy edibles. They’re certainly are the best!

That’s all. 👍

– K

Bus Ride

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A long bus ride is not only a good escape from reality, it is also a way of entering into the magical world of imagination.

In a city filled with crowd, noise, haze, and clocks that tick so fast, a long bus ride makes everything come into a halt… the people, the sounds, the air we breathe, the time… They are sucked in somewhere I want them to be, in a box where I can take them out immediately when I return to my senses, so as to clear my mind from the distractions of the world.

And then I enter a place I usually go to when I’m lost… Silence. Peace.

Streetlights pass by me like big stars. Roads move but I feel like I am in a full stop. And my mind? It stops, too. For a moment.

And somehow in its rest, I fall into a world of enchanted dreams. I don’t know how to describe it but the feeling of being unaware of where you are, where reality doesn’t exist, where you are the only person existing in that place, where you are enclosed in a peaceful embrace of solitude, where your mind has power over time, where you are seeing things you only want to see, where you are the goddess of events running in your head… Where you can manipulate everything… For a moment…

Ding Dong!
Approaching Changi Airport Terminal 1. Please move to the rear.

Oops. We’re here. I prepared my friend’s luggage and stood.

Slowly, I pulled out the real world from the box, returned to my existence, and smiled. My mind’s sleep was so sound I can manage the naturality of my environment again.

(And as I was actually typing these words from my phone, I was suddenly tapped by something in my head and I alight… at the wrong station. God. I drifted again. 🙂 )

– K

What It’s Like To Live Without A Dad

What is it like to live your whole life with a Dad who was the first person to ever break your heart? That should’ve been the title, but no, it’s too long.

No one among us would like to be cheated on, to feel like you’re just a second best, or to feel unworthy at all. No child deserves to be hurt by their own parents, or let’s get specific, by their own fathers. At one point, you try to understand that there are circumstances that lead to such decision of deception. But how mature do you have be to just eat up all the pain you felt and let go and… forgive?

What most people, who have lived with a whole and happy family, don’t know is the silent struggle of children, or adolescents who grew up not having their fathers by their side, not because they died early, but because they left their original family to build a different one with some other woman… in which, it seems like it’s almost the same as if they died… Additional notes to it, it could have been better if they actually died. And to be more specific, these dads are those who left their children totally.

So what is it really like? How does it feel? What happens inside?

1. TRUST ISSUES. Adolescents will definitely have trust issues with relationships. They become paranoid that they are cheated upon or worse, they follow the footsteps of their father, they are the one cheating because of the fear that they’ll be left and end up getting hurt again. With peers, they feel like they are being betrayed all the time. Some children even become loner because they have the tendency to think that everyone would leave them hanging.

2. IN SEARCH FOR A FATHER FIGURE. Getting jealous of friends with their fathers, that’s one. Others would try to be as close to their friend’s father so as to satisfy their need of one. Adolescents, especially girls, would find themselves with a more matured guy with a heck of an age gap, or constantly looking for a boyfriend who would “baby” them and protect them. Sometimes, it would even lead to a frequent change of boyfriends or flings because of that longing.

3. THEY END UP LOOKING STRONG. Since they grew up with no one to protect them from bullies and all the people who would hurt them, they tend to look strong. They tend to fear no one, that they can manage themselves, that they are independent, that they are fierce, that no one can hurt them, and that they can protect themselves. Girls who have a dominant and strong personality are having difficulties with their fathers. Girls like this are such because they have to be, they were forced to be.

4. BUT HONESTLY, THEY ARE WEAK INSIDE. They are tortured emotionally by the fear of being hurt, the responsibility to protect themselves alone and that no one would understand what they are going through, the longing for someone who will see through their eyes the need of an embrace, the search for someone who will secure them so they finally won’t have to do it themselves, and the loss of a person playing a very important role in their lives. They need someone who will fill up the emptiness left by the first heartbreak. But only a few people would see that because they look so strong they can conquer everything, right?

5. THE MOTHER PLAYS TWO ROLES BUT WOULD NEVER BE ENOUGH. Mothers are superwomen. They are the best. But superheroes have Achilles’ heel, too. Though they can try to play the father role, the security, the support, emotionally, it would never be enough. Mothers are the light, and they can be the pillar thing, but the feeling of having a dad who carries you around, a dad who can be both your king and knight in shining armor at once, a dad who will investigate a guy courting you, a dad who will kick the bullies’ asses, a dad who will walk you to the altar, a dad who can give you away to a man he knows will be worthy for you and deserves you… a mother can never fill in that gap, that emptiness. Even if she tried all her life, a mother would be enough of a parent, but would never be enough to complete what’s missing in you.

Everyone would want a complete family. People, whether you are a member of the-broken-family-society or soon to be one, remember how it was like and try not to make the same mistake your father did. And if one of these days, you become a parent, always, always think about your children. Because what happens to them in the future will be a reflection of how you raised them. So think, before you get lost into temptation’s kiss, please, use the thing between your ears.

– K

This Too Shall Pass

Time flies.
Memories are the only things left.
Broken pieces that were shattered
Are picked up to become whole again.

Like the sand in my palms,
Most of them were gone.
But a little bit still remains,
And some were dug on my skin.

Do you remember?
When you draw a heart on our names.
When you wrote a letter saying,
“I will love you forever.”

Do I still remember?
When you were at your window
Staring at the skies full of stars,
Yes, because that’s what we always do.

Memories of you and me
I guess it will always be there.
Waiting to be remembered.
But I know, this will pass.

We had unpleasant events.
Which are a part of us.
And we’ve both left each other wounded.
But this too shall pass.

I miss you.
But I don’t want to go back to you.
Because our time has ended.
Our time has passed.

We tried.
I tried.
It was your choice.
And now I’m tired.

I want to stop thinking.
I force myself to check my brakes.
But I know eventually, at the right time.
These feelings, too, shall pass.

– K

What To Do With… WISDOM.

How hard is it to gain Wisdom? How difficult could it be to have a single Wisdom in you?

You see, it is extremely difficult and painful to have one. How much more if you gain all four? Yes. There are only four wisdoms in our whole lives. Sometimes, some people could have more than four and that is called supernumerary. Because having more than four is already too many.

Here they are:

1. The Upper Left Third Molar
2. The Upper Right Third Molar
3. The Lower Left Third Molar
4. The Lower Right Third Molar

I AM FREAKIN’ TALKING ABOUT WISDOM TEETH!

Last year, my lower third molars made me feel a sample of the pain I am about to encounter. And gosh, I can’t take it! Then after showing a quarter of each, they stopped. Which was a total relief to me. But then, just this May 2015, left lower finally decided to erupt and give me the pain I have never felt before! I even called my mom and cried because I can’t eat a good meal and I can barely open my mouth. She just laughed at me, how sweet. I visited a clinic and I was given antibiotics and pain relievers. In five days after my visit to the doctor, I am finally done with one wisdom!! Hah! I am awesome!

Now, September, the right molar also decided to show itself to me and right now, I am trying to fight the pain. I minimize the pain reliever as much as possible, I want to tolerate it, because maybe, just maybe, I will become a superwoman and get numb to it. As the saying goes, “FEEL IT, UNTIL IT HURTS NO MORE.”

So what to do with an erupting Wisdom Tooth? Aside from trying to tolerate the pain, here are some tips:

1. Eat cold foods and ice chips. It will help ease the pain as it minimizes the blood flow on the gums (I don’t want to go deeper into this lecture).

2. You can use a cold compress on your mandible-slash-jaw at night so you can sleep because pain reliever doesn’t take away all the pain.

3. Antibiotics and Pain Relievers. Antibiotics for you to avoid infection and Pain relievers, of course, for the short term relief of pain.

4. Brush your teeth. It will definitely bleed but you have to… Fight bacteria too! Oh, gosh.

5. Don’t eat hard to chew foods. Even rice could be a burden so better go on a soft diet for the moment. And if there is no other choice left, the final option;

6. Surgery. Tooth extraction. But this must be done either before erupting or after. There must be no inflammation or pain yet because I tell you, it’s gonna be BLOODY.

The eruption of a wisdom tooth is extremely, totally painful. It hurts more than a heartbreak because this pain is too literal. So, you better watch out for your wisdoms guys. It might come out unexpectedly, get you to trouble and an agonizing pain. I hope my tips are helpful.

Random. Senseless. Idea. You see now why such a blog title. 🙂

Have a good day!

– K

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