I woke up sobbing…

Last night, I had this vivid and very “realistic” dream, and I totally know I was just dreaming. Initially, I just watched things happen. And sometimes I try to control some things that I see happening. It’s so nice playing with your dream.

The dream was quite long, so I’ll jump to the real highlight of it. Familiar with Hunger Games right? Imagine the setting but modernized. We also have districts like them but in my dream it was called Grand. And our place was called Grand 30. While outside a canteen (which looks like a Hawker place), we noticed some men on horses and carriages coming. It felt like we are going to prepare for war (I can still feel that feeling like there is something wrong when someone arrives in our grand without notice). Fortunately, they were just visitors from a different grand. And, there, I see my ex-boyfriend on one of the carriages looking at me, smiling, he’s with a girl I do not know.

In my mind I was asking myself, what the hell is he doing here?! But I don’t know the answer myself so I just stood there and watched his carriage pass by me.

That same hour, I received a message on my phone. The message goes:

Haha rozel311807

I knew it was from him and immediately I thought it was his facebook password he’s giving me. But I never dared trying. My mouth fell open as I was trying to understand, why would he effin’ give me his password?!

I tried ignoring the message and my blood was starting to boil. A few minutes later, a video was sent to me, of course, by him.

His video… He was drawing on a big canvass, he was enhancing his talent, he was freakin’ drawing! (Yeah, I knew he had a talent for that but during the “us” days, he never drew again, not once). And my freakin’ mind’s telling me, is this what you want me to see? That you can do better with her than me?

Then you were sitting with a cup of Starbucks beside you and I heard you say, “she gives me everything I want,” while you continue drawing things on a sketch pad. I started to get mad. Why are you doing this?! I was so angry I wanted to cry. Why do you have to show me this?!

Then the video ended with all your drawings showing up one by one on my screen. I was thinking about replying and telling you how mad I am, I wanted to ask you if this is a sort of revenge, I wanted to tell you things I never said, like how I was hurt, how I wanted to turn things around and hoped we did not end this way, but it’s done… we’re done. So I controlled myself and thought, I won’t reply. I won’t make you feel you won the game, I won’t stoop down on your level, or your new girl’s level. I must hold myself together. I won’t break.

Before the video totally and finally finish itself, you looked at me straight in the eyes… that look…. Like I understood what you wanted to tell me but left it unspoken… She gives me everything, but I am incomplete without you.

Then, I woke up.. I woke up sobbing without tears and my emotions have already taken over me even when I was already awake.

Do you have any idea what my dream meant? This was so bothering. I feel every detail of emotion, every word, every look… it feels like it just happened in my reality. So vivid… So heartbreaking. Help me. What does my dream mean? 💔 😦


– K